Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
