Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
