Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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