I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
