It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
