He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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