I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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