..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
