In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
