I'm jealous of your bromance
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize