Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
