It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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