I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
