yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
These tits shall not be calmed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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