At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
