Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
