Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
