i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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