hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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