I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
