She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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