I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
