i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
