i would punch a child for taco bell
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
