She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Cover your peen. We're going out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
