They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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