yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
