Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
