I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
