I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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