Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Found your dick twin last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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