Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
