3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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