Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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