We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
