I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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