i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
