Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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