You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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