What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
