Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
