I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
