Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
