Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love having hate sex.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
