So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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