dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
