Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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