There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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