She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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