You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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