My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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