My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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