Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
