My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
