At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
