I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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