I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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