Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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