In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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