Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize