my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
