I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
