WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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