best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize