i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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