she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
