I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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