So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
