Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why is your signature on my underwear?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
try to milk me bitch
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