I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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