Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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