He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
