As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
