I'm jealous of your bromance
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
