Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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