i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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