Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
