Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
