Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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